Why do I wanna work?
Reflecting from my past experience and previous interviews.
A little over a year ago, I moved back to Jogja. I remember that my decision was, ‘If I don’t get accepted at Glints that I’ll take it as a sign to move back.’
And things didn’t pan out the way I had hoped but I am forever grateful for that. I got to challenge myself in a new organization, got to help my family, got to grow and learn and learn to be more patient (inshaAllah.)
My friend told me that with my interview for Glints last year, one of the main feedbacks from the interviewer was that;
She saw me as a privileged girl that if she gets a job that she likes that’s great but if not, it’s fine.
Honestly, it’s true but it still kinda hurts reading this? I don’t know if I should be hurt but I feel kinda disappointed in myself? It’s true I didn’t need the job at the time but I felt like I could have been less arrogant or taken the interviews more seriously? Not dwelling in regret just reflecting on what I can do better.
It got me thinking that based on the feedback, I need to then understand why do I want to work?
I have asked myself this question hundreds of times and it always comes back to the same answers but I guess my worries stems from my fear of being wrong or fear of going back into the same cycle I was in 2 years ago. In the ‘Purification of the Heart’ there’s a piece that says;
Our current culture of ‘rush’ harms our sense of “day” (mornings specifically in this case) and causes us to miss opportunities of spiritual growth. Speed has become the chief premium: fast food, fast cars, fast rails, fast jets, fast entertainment, and the like. So much speed, but where is it all leading?
Another friend of mine once said to me that the biggest difference between Jakarta me and Jogja me was the ambition and drive that I had. She said when I was in Jakarta, all I would talk about was ‘more and faster.’ to the point that it was harsh and hasty. She says now I’m much more more calmer — still ambitious but a lot more gentle.
I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose what I’ve found in my deen and in myself for anything, let alone a job, you know? So I have to solidify myself in my why first.
- I want to be financially independent.
Not to show off to my family and friends about having a big salary, honestly when I think about it I just want enough to pay for my monthly needs, treat my loved ones, do my sedekah, and save up. My ego says $1300 but I know it’s probably $400 — $500. I don’t want to have to ask my dad for money anymore. I know Allah SWT is the one that provides and if the case is that it’s through my dad then Alhamdulillah, but I’ll try my best first to get something good for me and my deen.
2. I want to be able to learn and gain more experience that can make me a better Muslim.
This one is a little bit tougher I think and a bit more abstract. Ultimately, I want to gain skills that can benefit me in my dakwah, in my relationships, in my parenting, in my ibadah. I want my job to be an act of worship as well through what I do, where I am working, and who I am helping.
I think those are my two biggest reasons and most important ones. I don’t want a job that will take me away from Allah and I don’t want a job that won’t champion my iman. I want my deen to be what makes them hire me — my character, my work ethic, my skills that are all rooted in my faith. My Lord comes first and may Allah protect that in me so it never changes.
